Gaydar

GAYDAR - URBAN MYTH OR REALITY?

Gaydar is that mythical extra sense that gays are supposed to have that allows them to spot each other across a crowded room. But how real is it? Or is it just another urban myth put about by the perpetually hopeful? I talked to quite a few people, as well as chucking in my own two-pennyworth.
In my time I have many times been introduced to guys who I have thought to be gay, only to be told by their nearest and dearest that they are as straight as a die. Subsequently they have either confessed or discovered their true sexuality. I thought that maybe this was a personal gift but others have experienced the phenomenon.
'At the first meeting, after only a few sentences exchanged, I was 90% certain he was gay. I've no idea exactly HOW I knew. It was as if my subconscious could see and was giving me the results but not the raw data which produced them.'
'Well, I have it and I can spot a gay man or woman - extra powers you see. My friends are amazed at when I can spot a gay person and I always turn out to be right.'
But what is the true meaning of Gaydar? Is it, as some believe, just a finely attuned astuteness? Or merely 'it is usually best to think that if somebody looks like a dog, and acts like a dog, it is probably a dog' as someone graphically put it to me? I personally used to think it was to do with recognising common traits in others. But how does this account for recognising gayness in someone who doesn't even know they are gay? Or in someone who is to all intents straight but dabbles occasionally, as happened to me recently.
'I don't like the word Gaydar because it sounds like we have some mystical power. I'm against anything that makes gays seem abnormal.'
Quite right, we are not abnormal, just normal in a different way! But there has to be some explanation for Gaydar, which I have no doubt exists, even if it is a mystery.
'There is nothing mystical about Gaydar. It is merely the process of analysing a complex set of subtle signals ….. it's just that some are better at analysing those signals than others'
nevertheless, some people still need to ascribe Gaydar to some kind of spirituality. However, more scientific observers think they have an explanation relating specifically to 'patterns of eye movements (looking first at the face, then the crotch, then back up, possibly hesitating around the chest)' 'It's a lot more subtle than who you are staring at and it's often subconscious, thereby giving rise to some people's belief that it's an extra sense.'
All of which, while explaining some aspects of Gaydar, still leaves unsolved the recognition of those without a sense of gay identity. Perhaps we are all wrong and there are traits that we are born with or develop unconsciously that signal our gayness. I guess we will never know.
One of the questions I was asked while researching this was 'Whatever happened to those buzzing things that went on sale a year or so ago? They were called Gaydars and acted by vibrating in your pocket whenever they were in the vicinity of another unit.' They were very popular with lesbians and got snapped up by the niche market!

First published on Gay UK Net
(c) Paul Towers January 2000